This past July, July 11th, I miscarried my fourteen-week-old baby, who we named Antonio. We were all excited to know that we were expecting another child, and we were devastated at our first ultrasound when the doctor found no heartbeat. I had a transvaginal sonogram at a different clinic and they also confirmed the baby had no heartbeat.
A couple of days later I had contractions and my husband helped me deliver our baby boy at home. I called the doctor’s office to get some direction in what to do next, and the nurse told us to dispose of the baby. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Dispose of him as if he was nothing but trash.
I was able to hold him, clean him, kiss him and mourn his loss. That evening we met with our church community and prayed evening prayers. The next day our pastor Father Wilmer offered a Mass for baby Antonio.
Just the Beginning
And that is just the beginning of many incredible experiences baby Antonio came to give us. As my husband carried the baby out of the church, he was stopped by a young lady who looked somewhat distressed. She confessed to him that she had an abortion a while back and that Antonio reminded her of it. My husband then handed the metal box with the baby in it over to her as she cried mourning her baby.
We shared our experience with our family. My mother remembered her miscarriages, and one in particular, one who she accidentally flushed in a automatic toilet in the hospital. Antonio helped her reconcile with her baby. She was thankful for the way we handled this miscarriage with so much dignity.
It reminded a friend of ours of his brother that passed and was forgotten where he was buried and is now trying to find him. It reminded our pastor of his desire for a cemetery for the unborn.
I want to thank God for allowing me to hold my son in my hands and for providing the means to bury him. Baby Antonio’s death was not in vain. He has a greater mission.
“Death is swallowed up in victory. Death, where is your victory? Death, where is your sting? Thank God, then, for giving us the victory through Jesus Christ our Lord.” 1 Corinthians 15, 54-57
Rocio Pina is a writer.